My Channels are all closing!... WTF is up? PLEASE HELP

The plot thickens.
I seen my buddy today who just got his node a month ago.
We created a balanced Ghettoswap channel last month.
Our connection is one of my Channels that did NOT force close.
I explained the situation that is going on with my node.

He said “Oh, yeah I have been meaning to get mine back up and running again”
I said “what do you mean?” and showed him how Umbrel, RTL, and TH all say our channel is back online and connected…
He replied, “That’s weird, I unplugged my node a few days ago and I have not had the chance to plug it back in yet; why would it say I’m online?”

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Thanks to @DarthCoin and this amazing Article I believe I have more a thorough understanding of the issues at hand.
I believe I need to either:
A.) Wait patiently for Umbrel to fix their Tor-Only reliance issue.
B.) Research and try to figure out how to utilize ‘hybrid mode’ (Tor + Clearnet)
C.) Consider withdrawing to cold wallet and building another type of Node / OS (last resort as I have loved Umbrel, it’s support, and community and feel loyal to them for introducing me to this amazing new world a year ago)

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Yep, you are not the only one finding this situation.
I had also a peer in the same situation and weird enough, when his node was back online, then I saw it offline…
Is really crazy.