Peers offline, backups failing. Reboot doesn't fix it

Over the last 12 hours all my peers went offline. Then I got a warning that my channel backups have failed. I tried a restart, still broken. I tried a reboot, still broken. I reset my modem, still broken. Rebooted again after the modem reset, still broken.

Issue similar to Lightening no longer connecting and channels offline, but this thread doesn’t have a solution except “be lucky”.

I can still SSH in.

How can I recover this?

The first peer to disconnect 12 hours prior has just reconnected.

I’m trying to reconnect (via Thunderhub) to a friend who I know is online and it just won’t connect.

Hmmm. I’m not receiving blocks either.
Tor is definitely screwed somehow.